guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
