If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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