I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
