it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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