called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I see more hoeing in ur future
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