dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
