better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
