I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
