It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
