i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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