so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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