you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
