Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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