So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
NoShamevember. You game?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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