I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
