and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
