I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
