Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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