it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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