Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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