I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
