I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
