broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
