i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
