man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
