official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
