He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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