I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
