I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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