she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
