Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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