The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
