He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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