Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
