yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
