I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
