I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
