i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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