he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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