I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
