just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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