i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You are a genius and a whore.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
