you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
