i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
