Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
