Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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