I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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