I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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