I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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