the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize