I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
love makes seman taste better
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
