The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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