ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize