It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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