I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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