My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
