I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize