So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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