Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
