i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
