There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
