I will die if light touches me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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