You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
