i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
