I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
