I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
