did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
