so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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