So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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