my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Houston, we have a squirter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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