3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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