is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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then he tried to convert me to islam
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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