You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
